gawd i just want a kiss.its been months…looking for a man tank…and nada//whats a girl to do

just went for film dance practice.was shit. basically one person, who organises a lot to do with the film, will do casting. its hard to accept to be honest.i have done 2films and was hoping to make this the third, but dancing around like a doll incase someone picks you is really degrading. as is the fact that anyone bigger than a size 8 or 10 is probably not gonna be considered.

sometimes with films, the point of a film is lost, performing arts students are used and no delivering a line without really getting context doesnt make a good film.im v tired right now and feel like i dont fit in anywhere in this country at the mo.foul mood…

gawd its been such a long boring lonely day today…i saw the Circus tents and even wanted to go there and say ‘can i join you’…i dunno i used to teach and got so stressed and ill i took time out, im gradually getting on my feet but its taking ages….so i escape in film now and again…

and i dunno why i hardly find men i like or trust…i guess i am quite working class but i’m educated, a lot of guys will try to go out with me then put me down and go for some guardian readers or something…i guess i will just keep waiting for better but its long…and quiet